I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my being single is dangerous.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
