Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
