Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
