next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
