The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
