Me too!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
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"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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