Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
