when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
