I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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