her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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