and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
