SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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