We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
