I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
