if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize