Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
