There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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