She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i now understand why vodka
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
