One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
