I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
