I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
