your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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