My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
