also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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