when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
