Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
