Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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