I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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