lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
