I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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