when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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