1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
