this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
