the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
