Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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