The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
