I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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