what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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