When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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