I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
