the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
