It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I touched a dick in church today
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
