i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
