Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
