I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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