Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
