Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
