She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
