I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
