doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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