Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
