I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
