Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Mom said you looked used
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
