i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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