I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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