you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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