you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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